3 Back-to-School Parenting Tips to Help Your Kids Thrive in the New School Year

Caleb Roose
Aug 14
4 min read

By Caleb Roose

Smiling man in a striped shirt and girl drawing with colored pencils at a table. — Photo by Ketut Subiyanto

The first day of school always feels like hitting a launch button—with someone else setting the schedule, ramping up the pace, and handing you a parent-to-do list you never asked for.

Between rushed breakfasts and stressful drop-offs, it’s easy to feel like you’re barely holding on as the new school year takes off.

And our kids?

They’re navigating their own whirlwind of new teachers, social dynamics, and homework routines. Which means the way we support them right now matters, and it’ll impact how we relate to them when we see them after school every day.

As your kids shift from summer break to the busy school year, here are three practical ways to keep you connected (whether you are grieving the end of summer or have been looking forward to them being back in their normal routine):

1. Schedule free time into your child’s schedule

School days are packed. From the morning bell to the final dismissal, your kids have almost no say over how they spend their time. After that much structure, they need space to exhale.

While scheduled after-school activities can be great (and even necessary if they’re in after-school care until you get off work), your kid may need some time to decompress and relax before they go to bed and wake up to do it all over again.

That’s why it helps to schedule free time (believe me, in this day and age, it rarely happens by accident). Even 30–60 minutes a few days a week with no sports, dance, or expectations to do their homework can make a big difference in their packed lives.

Unstructured play and free time are also incredibly important for their mental health and maturity (so they grow up to be adults who know how to navigate the world even when an authority isn’t dictating their every move!).

And, perhaps most importantly, unstructured time can give you space to connect with them and support them through the ups and downs of school life.

2. Instead of just asking, “How was your day?” try this instead…

If “How was your day?” only gets you “Fine” or “I don’t know,” it’s not because your child doesn’t want to connect—it’s because that question is too broad to answer.

Maybe science was fun because they got to experiment with vinegar and baking soda, lunch was “the worst” because their best friend didn’t want to sit with them, and perhaps the rest of the day was kind of blah.

Instead of asking general questions like, “How was you day?,” try asking specific questions that invite specific answers:

What was something good that happened today at school?
What was something hard that happened?
What’s something that surprised you or made you laugh?
What did you do at recess?
What subject are you enjoying right now? How come?
What subject are you enjoying the least right now? How come?

These questions make it easier for your kid to open up, as they don’t require them to summarize their whole day. And, it shows your genuine interest in their lives and what they’re experiencing when you're apart.

When your kids do answer, be careful not to correct them or try to fix whatever they share.

The goal of asking these questions is to connect, not correct.

3. Assume there is a “why” behind their after-school meltdowns

Even when you ask specific questions, you and I both know, depending on how their day was and how they're feeling in the moment, they still may not be ready to answer.

Last year, my two oldest kids came home one day, clearly not okay. One seemed shell-shocked and withdrawn, and the other was screaming at us and her little brother with little to no provocation. While it’s tempting to judge or crack down on these behaviors, it’s important to try and understand why they’re acting any given way, and to recognize that they've been expending their energy trying to "keep it all together" at school and often have nothing left now that they're home.

Sure, likely nothing you do or say deserves the kind of reaction you receive in these moments, but that doesn’t mean there aren’t any reasons for their moodiness or outbursts.

Instead of reacting with frustration or anger, try:

“How can I be here for you?” This response communicates that you’re on their team, and it can help take the tension out of the room.
“Do you want to go for a walk?” Movement can help them process feelings when talking feels too hard.

Your kids may not be immediately receptive to either of these offers, but your calm, steady presence is exactly what they need when their school day was tough.

At the end of the day, you can’t control what happens to your kids while they’re at school.

But you can create a home environment that helps your kids process their day and bounce back more prepared for the next one.

By building breathing room into their schedules, asking better questions, and assuming their are “whys” behind their behavior (even when they're not obvious), you’ll not only make the school year smoother, you’ll be raising thoughtful, resilient, and confident kids.