Tips for New Dads: Aim for Best Supporting Actor

By Caleb Roose

Photo by Pixaby

When my first child was born, I felt like I had just begun the most important story of my life—only to realize I wasn’t the main character.

And that felt... strange.

When you become a parent, there’s a seismic shift that happens. It’s not just that a new human enters your world—it’s that the entire dynamic between you and your partner changes. You and your spouse go from a primarily face-to-face relationship to shoulder-to-shoulder, re-centering your lives around your tiny, adorable, yet extremely needy baby.

And if you're a new dad, you might feel the spotlight shifting from “us” to “them”—your wife and baby. And if you're honest, that shift can be hard to adjust to.

Because we live in a world that often tells men we should be at the center:

• Movies that feature men as heroes and women as merely love interests

• Misinterpreted sacred texts that suggest women exist to support men

• Workplaces where male leaders dominate and women are underrepresented

  
  

But when your baby arrives? Mom is the hero, and we dads are most often the sidekick.

So, the temptation for many dads is to simply retreat—to double down on work, stay out of the way, and assume we’re not essential right now because we’re not at the center.

But the truth is: you are essential.

This is the time to lean in—not out. To go all in on being the best support you can be.

Why You Matter as a Dad More Than You Realize

The early days of fatherhood aren’t about taking the lead role. They’re about being the Best Supporting Actor—and giving that support role all you’ve got. Your presence, even when baby prefers Mom, matters deeply to your growing family and will have an outsized impact on your present and future relationship with your spouse and child. 

So don’t aim for Best Actor in this season. You’re time to shine in your kid’s life will come, but not now. Aim for Best Supporting Actor. 

Here are 6 practical ways to shine as the Best Supporting Actor in these early days of your child’s life (and in the pregnancy days leading up to them):

1. Request and take paternity leave.

My number one regret in the early days of my kids' lives was not being more confident in completely signing off at work when my babies arrived so I could be fully present with my family. 

Don’t make my mistake!

If you live in a state or work at a company that offers paternity leave, take advantage of it. The stress of trying to balance work and family life in these early days is simply too much. 

Here's what to do:

1. Check your work’s and state's policies on family leave. 

2. Decide with your partner how much time off you’re going to take. 

3. Inform your supervisor and let them know that you’ll do everything you can in advance of your leave to ensure a smooth transition. 

(If you work for yourself, consider how you can put someone else in charge for at least the first two weeks of your child's life.)

You won't regret it.

2. Attend a birthing class

Every pregnant woman needs a support person when “game day” arrives. 

Be that support person.

Learn how to comfort her when the contractions come. 

Pack the hospital bag.

Show your partner that she can count on you when it’s go-time. 

Having a new child is overwhelming, but much less so when you feel prepared for it. 

Search for birthing classes online or check if your health insurance offers any classes. Then talk to your spouse and find a class that works for you both.

3. Read to your baby before birth

Scientists have found that babies in utero can get to know your voice even before they are born. Take advantage of this by reading to your baby before you and your wife go to sleep each night, starting in the third trimester (with your partner’s permission, of course).

This nightly ritual will help your baby get to know you and help you bond even before birth.  

4. Change diapers.

Once your baby comes, there are some things at which Mom will simply be better (e.g., breastfeeding). Yet there are still many tasks you can do just as well, like changing diapers. It may not be glamorous, but diaper duty is quality bonding time. It’s a small way to show your spouse, your baby, and even yourself that you're all in. 

5. Snuggle and soothe.

I’ve asked hundreds of dads what brings them joy in being a dad, and one of the top answers I’ve received is “snuggling with my kids.” As dads, we’re meant to feel this closeness with our kids. So while your baby may default to Mom for comfort in the early days, there are many ways for you to gain connection too: like burping, bouncing, walking, and rocking. These aren’t just tasks; they’re how you continue to build trust and connection with your baby and your partner in this new phase of life.

6. Split the night.

Getting up every night multiple times a night isn’t sustainable for any one person. You and your spouse are a team, so depending on your schedules, baby feeding methods, and work arrangements, be sure to talk through how you can support each other in these early days when you both feel stretched thin. 

Here are a few options you might want to consider:

1. Mom gets up between bedtime and 2am; Dad gets up between 2am and morning (or vice versa)

2. Alternate nights for who will get up with the baby

3. If Mom is exclusively breastfeeding, then Dad does all the midnight diaper changes

   
   

Finding a routine that works for you both will take discussion and some trial and error, so keep trying out different arrangements until you find one that works. And be open to adjusting the plan as your family’s needs evolve. 

The Long Days, the Short Years

There’s a proverb I’ve heard many times since becoming a dad: “

The days are long, but the years are short,”

and it’s never more true than in the early days of parenthood.

Those early days are exhausting, overwhelming, and there might be moments when you wonder, “What on earth did we get ourselves into?”

But unlike being sleep deprived for school or work, there's a deep satisfaction in knowing that you are literally keeping a human alive—you're very own child.

And when you keep showing up, before you know it, your baby will start to reach for you too. You’ll go from feeling like second fiddle to being one of the two most important people in the world in your child’s eyes.

And your spouse? She’ll feel seen. Supported. Like she’s not alone in this wild new chapter of life. She’ll know you're there for her and your family through thick and thin. 

Be the Dad Who Leans In

So here’s the shift: When baby comes, don’t aim to be the main character. Aim to be the Best Supporting Actor.

Because in the story of your family, the supporting role isn’t smaller. It’s foundational.

You set the tone. 

You build trust. 

You make sure your family has everything they need.

And when those sleepless nights gradually become a memory, you’ll hear in the back of your mind: “And the Academy Award for Best Supporting Actor goes to… YOU.”

Get the Support You Need

Becoming a Dad is a huge transition. Don't go it alone.

Here are three ways I can support you in this epic new chapter of your life: 

1. Sign up for a free Discovery Coaching Call to start being the dad you've always wanted to be. As an experienced coach, father, and leader, I can help you unlock your greatest strengths to build deep relationships with your kids from Day 1.

2. Subscribe to this blog and newsletter to get posts like these directly to your inbox. In each post, I offer guidance for the deep, practical, and everyday challenges and triumphs of dad life.

3. Join the Good Enough Dads Community to connect with other dads and get access to exclusive content, webinars, and more (it's free!).