How to Get Your Kids to Do Their Chores (Without Losing Your Mind or Your Voice)

By Caleb Roose

Photo by Gustavo Fring

“Clean your room.”

“Put your clothes away!”

“Did you hear me?!”

As parents, sometimes getting your kids to listen feels impossible. Whether you're telling them to pick up after themselves, weed the garden, or simply get ready for bed, their ability to come up with ways of disobeying can feel limitless.

Blank stares.

Ignoring you while they continue playing or watching TV.

Running to a different room and slamming the door.

It’s like you’re speaking a different language! 

And the reality is, most of the time, you are. 

No, not Spanish, Mandarin, or French.

I’m talking about the language of Play.

Why Your Kids “Don’t Listen”

Kids speak Play. It’s their first language, and for many years, it’s their favorite. It’s how they learn, process emotions, build relationships, and make sense of the world.

And guess what? You used to be fluent in it, too.

But through years of schooling, work, and household chores, your “Play language” got rusty. Just like the Spanish, Mandarin, or French you took in high school, you now know only a few words and can hardly get by in a conversation with native speakers.

Instead, you’re much more fluent in the languages of Responsibility, Duty, and Deadlines. 

So when you tell your kids to clean their room and expect them to respond the way you would when your boss tells you to do something, it’s easy to get frustrated. 

But you aren’t raising employees—you’re raising kids. 

And kids speak Play. 

So let’s brush up on this rusty language of yours, so you can spend more time enjoying your kids rather than being frustrated with them. 

Here are three simple ideas to motivate your kids to do their chores without bribes or threats:

1. Turn Cleaning into a Pirate Adventure

Instead of saying, “Clean up your room,” followed by “I told you to clean up your room!” Try this:

“Captain! We’ve got a storm coming, and we need to batten down the hatches so we don’t get thrown overboard. Every toy must be stowed away before the storm hits!”

Get into it! Try on your best pirate voice and have some fun. 

Then, once they’ve cleaned up, continue playing with them, at least for a bit, so they know you enjoy spending time with them and aren’t only playing with them to get them to do what you want. 

Pro Tip: If your kid isn’t into pirates, swap out this “pirate adventure” idea for whatever your child enjoys most. For example, you could say, “We need to save the unicorns from all the traps the forest wizard set for them (i.e., all the things that need to be put away)!”

2. Make Chores a Secret Mission

Intead of, “Put your clothes away,” or “Empty the dishwasher,” try:

“Agent Olive [this is one of my kids’ favorite secret agent names], your mission is to deliver these top-secret items to their designated places without being heard or spotted by the enemy.”

As they work on the chore, occasionally sneak by them with a stuffed animal “enemy” who is trying to figure out where they are. 

Pro tip: The key is to stay in character while they work—even if you are working on your own chores—so they know you’re in it together and are having fun. 

3. Model What You Want to See

Finally, remember the saying: “Monkey see, monkey do.” 

As cliché as the saying is, young kids are hardwired to imitate. If you’re weeding in the garden, they’ll likely grab a spade and want to join in. When they’re young, though, you may be tempted to tell them “No” because their help isn’t all that helpful (like pulling off all the leaves but none of the roots!). 

But by involving them early on in family chores, you’re building their muscles for the future and showing them that even chores provide an opportunity for connection. 

Memory Lane: I have fond memories of gardening with my dad growing up, even though I also remember grumbling about it at the time. Today, I love gardening.

Motivating Your Kids Through Play

At this point, you may be wondering if your kids will ever learn to be responsible if you make chores fun. After all, in adult life, sometimes you just have to do things because they have to get done. 

The truth: Your kids will learn to be responsible through play—because kids learn through play. 

Further, when you speak Play, you’re helping your kids develop intrinsic motivation for responsibility (i.e., motivation that comes from within). 

Alternatively, offering bribes or threats to get their chores done teaches them that the tasks themselves aren’t worth doing. They’re just doing them to get something they want or avoid something they don’t (this is called “extrinsic motivation”). 

Through play, you can teach them that responsibility can be enjoyable and a way to build relationships with others. And this strengthens their responsibility muscles, for both now and the future.  

So give it a try! I’d love to hear how it goes.

If you liked this post, you'll love my free on-demand masterclass that shares 3 keys to building great relationships with your kids.